So incredibly frustrated with myself. After a good solid few months of nice rides with Arwen, it all went to hell on Saturday (insert dramatic music here, complete with high pitched violins). Since starting CrossFit, I have said how despite some refusals, I have managed to stay on. Not on Saturday. We were coming down a pretty forward set line where you had to have a decent in fence in order to make the striding. First time through, no problem. Rode easy since Arwen wants to do the lines forward anyway. Second time through, we had a crappy in, and I still tried to push for the striding. Ended up being a SUPER long spot at the second fence, and Arwen slammed on the brakes (rightfully so-this spot was dangerously long, even for a 2'6" fence). I ended up on her neck, then swung over the side. Granted, I landed on my feet so I'm not sure I even consider it a real "fall", but still. We had gone probably five months with no involuntary dismounts and my crappy riding broke the streak. BLARGH! Its funny because I don't miss distance in general that much. Sometimes I've got a chip here or there, but for the most part they're nothing horrible and nothing too scary. But when I do miss badly, its ALWAYS at a long spot and I ALWAYS lean forward, and throw my reins away, expecting the horse to take charge. Trainer and I have discussed this many a time. If I JUST. SIT. BACK and keep leg on at those spots, 9 times out of 10 it is pretty much guaranteed that Arwen would fit the last stride in herself and do an ugly chip, but still get over the fence. Its because I throw all my weight forward and take away the support that she slams on the brakes.
That was just the beginning of the end for this lesson though. Earlier in the week, I had noticed that she was drifting a bit right going down lines. Apparently, in my complacency I continued to let her do it and it came to a head on Saturday. Going down this a different line, set more conservative, she was veering right, totally bulging against my right leg and ignoring it completely. This resulted in another refusal (which I managed to sit, thankfully). Weaved her back and forth in front of that fence, did a tight circle, and popped her over it again. Went back over the line the other way. Same thing, bulging to the right, although no more refusals. And then...she started leaving out a stride. At this point, I think I'm just getting tired and frazzled. Trainer has me take her through a little two stride set with crossrails and Arwen stumbles through it, knocking the crossrails. Crossrails, for petes sake! At this point I feel like I'm doing more harm than good because the tools in my tool box just aren't working. So trainer has me get off, so she can get on to see what I'm feeling.
Arwen proceeds to get her ass whooped for the next half hour.
Thankfully, trainer felt what I was feeling too, so it wasn't all my imagination. She also said that Arwen sometimes would rather fight you, than give in. That is why that argument lasted 30 minutes. All she wanted her to do was get off that right side and Arwen was resisting it, hard. At one point trainer just had her right leg on, and Arwen was backing around the ring instead of just doing a simple leg yield.
Honestly, I think what it all comes down to is what I had been wanting to do originally for the rest of the year. LOTS more lateral work. She needs it. She needs to respect my leg and respect me, even on days where she is feeling less than respectful (like Saturday). I need to DEMAND more from her, instead of letting her get away with so much. I also need to stop relaxing when things go well, because she will take that little bit of freedom and run with it. She's a total alpha mare, and I think in her mind we're kind of just buddies. I'm not the clear cut leader yet and I don't know if I'll ever be. But I am going to try. Because when Arwen works with me, its super fabulous awesome. But when she doesn't, shit like Saturday happens.
So armed with my newfound determination, on Sunday I went out ready to tackle the same lines, but as ground pole versions. But the arena was closed and it looked like they were going to start doing some work in there. FOILED! Instead, we just did a lot of walk work. A lot. I worked on getting her to give to me, we did a TON of lateral stuff and I didn't let her give me any shit. I was carrying a dressage whip (which I think I will do from now on in flatwork stuff) and when she ignored my leg, she got a tap. She got all indignant and dramatic about it at first (head tossing, snorting, etc) but wouldn't you know, it just took the one tap. I got some really good leg yielding and haunches in from her towards the end, and once she gave me that, I decided to end on a positive note.
Arwen is a funny mare. Like I've said before, she definitely keeps me on my toes. The second I become more of a passenger, rides go downhill. I've had her a year today, and in that year she has taught me so much I can't believe how much I didn't know before I got her. So while it is sometimes extremely frustrating, I know I will forever be thankful for the experiences she has given me.
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